Can you believe it is September already? For me, this summer has been about change, adaptation, and .
At the beginning of summer, my boyfriend moved 230 miles to live with me. I have spent the past 3 years in my house sharing the space with my dog. Those past three years have been a lot of introspection, a lot of self-care, and a lot of learning to understand myself.
Many people are surprised to learn I am an introvert. While I am in my game while teaching or speaking to groups of people, it takes me a lot of down time afterwards to recuperate. I much prefer the idea of having coffee with one friend over being at a large party or noisy event. In fact, it took me three years to invite my friends to my house for the first party I threw here – and mind you, these were my close friends from ‘my circle.’
In understand myself and seeing where my energy leaks happen, I created a very intentional environment for myself to function at my best. I don’t do well with disorder. To me a mess or an unorganized pile of papers feels like a hundred ping pong balls are bouncing around inside of me. Background noises like tv make me feel like all those sounds are ricocheting around inside my already busy brain. So, I keep my house organized and I don’t buy many things (unless crystals and perennial flowers count!). I try to plan alone time to follow my social time. For the most part I do pretty well.
I understand that I am not like a large percent of the population. But I didn’t expect there to be such a misinterpretation of me from the man I live with.
To make a long story short, he had family visiting last week. We were out exploring Minneapolis for 5 days. After day 3 I felt myself in desperate need of retreating but pushed on. I am sharing this with you on the eve of more family coming to visit a mere 5 days later.
He asked me why I was so snappy with him and why I was so stressed out. I broke down in tears. Partly out of frustration that he didn’t “know” why I was stressed and crabby and partly in surrender to the fact that I failed myself by trying to be strong through the stress of loosing my ‘sanctuary’ and sharing my space with people I do not know for another 10 days.
When I shared all of this with him, he told me he had no idea. He “read me” wrong 7 months ago when I threw a small party. He read me wrong when we occasionally met a friend for dinner or a beer. What he didn’t read was me going to bed at 8:00 for the following three nights after those events. Or the migraine I came down with after the party. Or going to take pictures in the woods alone after we go anywhere that involves crowds and lots of people. Mostly I was agitated and extremely sensitive to noises and the things in my environment. Turns out that he and I aren’t so different after all. Being around my friends has a similar effect on him and a need to decompress afterwards.
When I shared myself authentically, he showed up and not only accepted me for who I am, he supported me. He called his relatives and let them know we would be doing a lot of relaxing and home cooking. He even let them know that this was a sanctuary to us. By being authentically and letting ourselves be truly seen we have made a deeper connection. And I feel a whole lot less anxiety about our upcoming visitors 🙂
Where can you be authentic in your life? What is it that prevents you from being authentic? Please share in the comments below
Authenticity is the name of the game. Be unapologetically you.
Are you ready to take the next step to Joy? I want to help you be authentic in your life and find more ease. Check out my Life Coaching Page and when you are ready to find more ease n your life, send me your application and we will set up a time to chat about your goals and dreams.