For a long I stopped caring about myself. I neglected to move by body and choose to east conveniently rather than to nourish myself. This became a vicious circle. The less I moved and nourished my physical body, the more depressed I became and wanted to stay hidden. Finding myself in superficial relationships, but craving a deeper connection with a special person. The more I could help other people the less I felt I needed to focus on me. Becoming ‘too busy.’
One single thing has helped me. In tantra yoga we call this a departure point. The point where our unhappiness in our current situation becomes greater then the comfort and the fear of change. The ‘thing’ that is out there that draws us in. What is it that you truly desire?? What is your heart’s passion??
In my case moving has opened the veil (maya we call it). Moving my body. Sweating, becoming strong. I actually woke up today looking forward to being able to go to the gym (I NEVER thought I would say that!) I still haven’t fallen in love with cooking, but I am making healthier choices. This morning when I walked up the stairs my body felt different leaner stronger (and yes, a little sore!) Now, I haven’t had this new routine (about a week) long enough for many changes on the outside to show up, but the changes in my view of myself are HUGE! And, I am so excited to be able to work with people on a deeper more meaningful level. We can’t give away that which we don’t know. Loving, accepting, and nurturing myself is already changing my view of the world and what I receive from others.
My departure point was attracting relationships in which the other person was unavailable. Over and over. I had to realize that part of me was being unavailable. Hidden and shrouded by layers of self neglect, and weight that made me feel invisible and unwanted.
What is your departure point?