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You create your own reality

February 15, 2016 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

You are responsible for how your life responds to you. You create your own reality. And so do I. I used to live in a victim role. I used to think I deserved what did or didn’t happen to me. I used to focus on what was missing in my life rather than the gifts I had.

Life responds to what you focus on. So from here on out, together we are going to say goodbye to language we use in our words as well as our thoughts that reflect lack or self sabotage.

“The limits of my language means the limits of my world.”
― Ludwig Wittgenstein

Here’s a started list of words that keep you a victim:

Should (As in “I really should be doing x.”)
Try (You either do or you don’t. Trying is telling yourself you won’t succeed.)
Can’t (There is always a different way to reach an outcome.)
Just (I notice I use this one when I teach yoga. Telling someone to “just” do something implies it should be easy for them. Because we have all walked in different shoes, it is not fair for me to judge what should be easy for someone else.)

Those are my “Big 4” words that I have chosen to stop using.

I would love to hear any self limiting words you have chosen to stop using in the comments below.

What Gets in the Way of Your Big Dreams?

February 8, 2016 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

What are your big dreams?

Dream Bigger! When I talk about big dreams – I really mean dream BIG. Don’t hold back. Imagine that you have no one to answer to but you yourself. Be honest with yourself. Don’t play it safe. If you could have ANYTHING you wanted, what would it be?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

A couple of things happen we start dreaming big. One is we may actually be afraid to fail. But really, what do you have to loose? We all deeply desire a more meaningful fulfilling life.

You want to live every day lost in what you do. Work and play become inseparable because you love what you do. Your relationships with your family, friends, and romantic partners become much more meaningful and connect on a deeper level. You stop having money problems, and your self-esteem is through the roof. If you aren’t living this way, what is the risk in reaching out for this?

Besides sometimes feeling like we don’t deserve our dreams, we can also feel selfish in going after our dreams. This is especially common in women who are raising children, but shows up for all of us in this human existence.

There are those pesky subconscious excuses popping up. Those big hairy excuses and self-talk trying to talk you off the ledge of excitement. Stay small! Stay safe! Stay stuck!

Maybe your fear is really fear of succeeding. When my life started responding to my big sparkly dreams, the first thing I thought was what are other people going to think about me traveling around the world. How will people look at me when they realize I own a house but don’t have a mortgage. I could go on and on, but the point is I was afraid of succeeding in reaching my dreams simply because: I had to take accountability in taking the steps to make them happen. Wow. That was a huge awareness for me.

What does it look like for you to Dream BIG? Spend some time journaling with this one. Keep reaching deeper. Do your statements bring up a physical response? If not, keep reaching past your comfort zone. When that wanting to retreat under the covers shows up, you know you are onto something! Take that and make it yours.

Own your statement. No more playing small: “I want to,” “Someday,” “I will,” are all wimpy statements. Re-word your statement into the present tense. “I AM ___________.” Own your dreams.

There is a lot of power in our spoken word- share your BIG Dreams in the comments below.

Your Old Habits and Subconscious Excuses are Blocking Your Joy

February 1, 2016 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

The way you react has been repeated thousands of times, and it has become a routine for you. You are conditioned to be a certain way. And that is the challenge: to change your normal reactions, to change your routine, to take a risk and make different choices. — Don Miguel Ruiz

The only thing stopping you is you Your old habits and subconscious excuses are blocking your joy. (In yoga speak, we call these old habits samskaras.) We retreat to a place of pleasure or pain subconsciously because it is familiar and comfortable to us. Any time we seek to move outside of what is familiar, fear and subconscious excuses come up. (In yoga, we call these vrittis.)

By identifying our personal samskaras and vrittis, we begin to shine light into our shadows. This is they key piece that is missing when people make everyday ordinary resolutions.

Spend the next week observing and journaling what comes up for you when you are presented with an opportunity or have a desire to change.

In order to transform these old habits into new – you need to go deeper than just wanting to loose weight, or wanting to quit smoking. You need to find the emotional response to your “Why” so that you can effectively go head to head with your old habits and excuses.

This is where the juicy stuff starts to come in. When you look at your personal “Why,” does it feel powerful enough to carry you through your excuses (vrittis)? It should feel powerful and ready for battle.

Your “Why” actually becomes your weapon to defend against those old habits and avoidances.

I would love to hear some of your old reactive habits and subconscious excuses that keep you from making powerful change in your life.

3 Ways Fear Robs Your Joy and how to stop it

January 25, 2016 by Amy Joy 2 Comments

Fear likes to show up anytime we start to leave our comfy cozy familiar place in the world.

When we start to express our desires in the world (see my sankalpa post), sometimes our old tapes start to play that we aren’t good enough or that we don’t actually deserve what we want.

3 Ways Fear Robs Your Joy

Fear tempts you to crawl back under the covers and stay status quo.
Fear keeps you in situations that don’t serve you or don’t support your growth.
Fear keeps you putting your dreams off into the future. “I can’t afford it right now,” “After the kids move out,” “As soon as the house is paid off,” “After the holidays are over,” the excuses are endless.

Chances are, it is the same excuse that shows up over and over when you have opportunities to grow. Succumbing to the excuses helps us avoid the fear. What if I told you that fear and excitement show up in our bodies physically the exact same way? Sweaty palms, rapid heart rate, our breathing becomes more shallow and our pupils dilate. What is the difference then between someone who stands at the base of a mountain terrified to take one small step up, and the person who charges at it wanting to conquer the challenge?

The difference between fear and excitement is your breathing. When you are afraid, you don’t breathe. You body contracts as if to protect you from the scary unknowns that may be lurking on the other side of the mountain. For our mountain climbing friend who is excited? He is breathing. He feels expansion in his body and mind about all of the possibilities that may be on the mountain for him to experience.

How to Shift Fear into Excitement

I challenge you to shift your mindset when fear sets in.
Breathe through it, and imagine all of the unknown possibilities that may be on the other side.
Journal how your body responds to fear.
Start exploring your go-to excuses in your journal.

When the breath wanders the mind also is unsteady. But when the breath is calmed the mind too will be still, and the yogi achieves long life. Therefore, one should learn to control the breath. ~ from the “Hatha Yoga Pradipika,” 14th century CE

By working through these excuses, they have less power over your life and your decision-making process.

I would love to hear how fear robs you of joy and how you overcome it in the comments below.

Declaring Your Intentions

January 18, 2016 by Amy Joy 2 Comments

What if I told you that I have a secret tool that can change your life and give you anything that you desire?

Well, it isn’t exactly a magic wand, and there is some work involved in bringing your dreams to fruition, but today we are going to create an intention statement. In yoga, we call this sankalpa. Sankalpa is a vow you make to support your highest truth – your sankalpa becomes a statement you can call upon to remind you of your true nature and guide your choices. Sankalpa is measurable. You will have what you declare within 6-18 months IF you are willing to commit to it.

“A Sankalpa is not another “should” that we lay on ourselves and then feel guilty when we fail to fulfill it.” ~ Susan Fauman

Discovering your sankalpa is a process of listening. Your heart’s deepest desire is already present, waiting to be seen, heard, and felt. It’s not something you need to make up, and the mind doesn’t have to go searching for it. This involves being still and quiet for long enough to listen to your deepest desires. Sankalpa is the result of something you discover yourself; it has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks is important for you, or what your monkey mind has to say.

How to create your sankalpa:

Start by getting into a quiet meditative state.
Set your specific intention or goal. What is it that you need to help support you on your journey in the upcoming 6-18 months?
Some goals my clients have shared with me: “I am a college student,” “I easily earn $100,000 a year,” or “My savings account is growing by $100 a week,” or “I take ample time for my personal practices and self-study.”
Go within and ask your heart what it’s deepest desire is, a statement that reflects your true nature.
Examples of this could be: “I am already whole, and already healed,” “I am peace itself,” or “I am thriving.”
State your sankalpa in the present tense – use the words “I am.” Stating your sankalpa in present tense acknowledges the tremendous will, energy, and truth that lie in the discovery of your heartfelt desire. It also reminds you that whatever is required of you is already within you.
For example, rather than saying, “I want to be more compassionate,” your sankalpa might be, “Compassion is my true nature” or “I am compassion itself.” Rather than setting the intention, “I will not eat meat,” your specific sankalpa might be, “With compassion for my body and for other beings, I eat a vegetarian diet.”
Use your own ‘language’ to craft your sankalpa. Words you ould actually use. You are aligning with you desires and the vibrations need to match up. Believe you can achieve your sankalpa. It’s okay to have some doubt, but at least 51% of you needs to believe you can reach your goals.

The core practice of sankalpa is remembering. By bringing the statement to mind, you strengthen your resolve and honor your heartfelt desire. But simply reciting the sankalpa is not enough. When the unconscious mind operates from a place of lack or perceived inadequacy, the energy that supports your resolve is weakened. For this reason, we create sankalpa in the present tense.

“As soon as you say you want something, a part of you recognizes that you don’t have it. By repeating what you want, you reinforce the belief that you don’t have it.” ~ Rod Stryker

Once you have defined your sankalpa, I encourage you to post it in many places where you will see it frequently. My personal favorite spots are the bathroom mirror, my nightstand, on my dashboard, in my wallet, and on the front of the fridge. Places I go to frequently and especially the first and last places I see in my day.

Remember, sankalpa isn’t a prayer or a petition – is a powerful declaration.

I would love to hear your sankalpa in the comments below – magic happens when we declare our desires!

Use Your Why to Fuel Change

January 12, 2016 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals. ~ Melody Beattie

Goals, dreams, plans, revolutions. As soon as we start to even think about making changes, we come up against some pretty strong adversaries. Those adversaries live in our subconscious as patterns, habits, and blocks ~ and boy, do they know how to put on the pressure!

The biggest weapon we have against our old stories and ways of thinking is our “Why.” What is it that made you want to make those changes in the first place?

Grab a journal or notebook and think about the number one change you want to make. What is it that is fueling your desire for things to be different? WHY?Write this at the top of the page. Now, look at what you have written and ask yourself “why” again. Keep asking yourself “why” and continue to go deeper with each answer. Continue this process until you reach an answer that causes a physical reaction in your body. This may be tears, a lump in your throat, or a tug at your heart strings.

Let me demonstrate. Whenever I start working with new clients we have a dialogue that goes something like this:

Me: Why are you coming to see me.
Client: Because I want to be more flexible.
Me: What does your current level of inflexibility prevent you from doing?
Client: I can’t bend over.
Me: If you could bend over, what would you be able to do that you can’t currently?
Client: Tie my shoes.
Me: So you want to be able to tie your shoes.
Client: Yes.
Me: What other things are you currently unable to do that you want to?
Client: I can’t pick up my grandkids.
Me: So you are coming to see me so that we can increase your flexibility so that you can pick up your grandkids.
Client: Yes. More than anything I want to pick up my grandkids and hold them.

Do you see how my client’s why became much more personal at the end of the conversation than when we first started? This client is much more likely to stick with their yoga practice when the end result is to pick up their grandchildren than it is if they just want to be more flexible.

In order to work through the days that change is hard and you want to crawl back under the safety of the covers and your old habits, your “why” has got to be emotional and meaningful to you. This right here is your weapon to fighting the fear monsters that inevitably will pop up.

The difference between someone having success in their endeavors and those who don’t is that the desire to change must be greater than your desire to be the same.

If you need a little support in making your intentions a reality, I would love to help! Sign up for a complimentary discovery session and I will let you know how I can support you!

el bienestar

December 5, 2015 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

I subscribe to a Spanish word of the day. Today’s word really stuck a chord with me: el bienestar. It translates to: well-being; welfare; comfort. Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed a lot of inner chaos, an unsettled feeling, and a lot of heaviness. I have been feeling like there is too much coming in. I have been finding myself desperately wanting solitude, stillness, and silence.

At times when I get these waves of intense energies I feel like I am alone in what I am feeling. It can feel quite isolating when those around you aren’t sensitive to energy and don’t understand “feeling” your way through life.

the challenge is the external push to “do more,” “have more,” and “busy is a virtue” goes against my desire to “be.” To experience life. To be in awe of the little details and the magic of living. The desire to go deeper into my true essence and who I am.

This time of year, the energies are about drawing inward. Reflecting. Being still. Creating a nest, if you will. The challenge comes when the external is hustling and bustling. We are being told to buy more, attend more gatherings and celebrations, and to be busy decorating or cooking. Dial in to what your heart wants. It is ok to slow down. It is ok to say no. It is ok to simplify. Not only is ok to honor your well-being, it is necessary. Your health depends on it.

I have decided to slow down and take what I need. For me this means less doing and more reflecting. Part of that reflection has shown me that pausing some projects I have been working on in my business is a necessity, as is letting my Facebook Page take a break. I would love to stay in touch with you via my blog.

What types of things do you to ensure your well-being? Please share in the comments below.

Deseándole bienestar. ~ Wishing you well-being and comfort

Amy finding Joy

October 22, 2015 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

I guess you could say I wanted to make an impression on my newest love interest – me. My recent transformation began much like dating. I began courting myself. You see, I used to hide from myself. I never felt worthy of love. I added layers of protection and tried to stay invisible.

At age 39 I decided once and for all, it was time to change trajectory. I started showing up.

It started with 4:30 morning alarm clocks and hitting the gym. It took a big commitment to myself and to my “why” to keep showing up day after day and choice after choice. It took an investment that I first told myself I couldn’t afford but knew deep down inside I couldn’t afford NOT to.

Over 14 weeks I have celebrated what has unfolded. I have also mourned what is no longer. I have had fears facing the new me in a dressing room mirror that left me sitting cross legged in a pile of clothes sobbing while wearing a fitted shirt for the first time in many years. I have had to take double takes in a glimpse in the mirror realizing with shock that it was ME I saw reflected but not recognized.

Realizing as I am shedding layers I need to show up in all I do raw and authentically me. While I am proud of the results on my scale and the telltale signs of a dedicated gym practice, the work is really just beginning. The pile of my now too big clothing to be donated outweighs the number of clothes hanging in my closet. And although I no longer need to wear baggy clothes or pluck my shirt away from my middle while I am sitting down, I still find myself wanting to retreat to those safe and familiar places where used to hide. But I made a commitment to love myself and to open my heart. I am here to share my story with you because of that commitment. And perhaps one day, I will be truly comfortable in my new skin.

“Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.”

What commitments are you making to yourself? Does the idea of needing to invest, whether it’s time, money, or in other ways trip you up? What are you learning as you start to transform? Please share in the comments below.

My crash course in being authentic

August 31, 2015 by Amy Joy 1 Comment

Can you believe it is September already? For me, this summer has been about change, adaptation, and .

At the beginning of summer, my boyfriend moved 230 miles to live with me. I have spent the past 3 years in my house sharing the space with my dog. Those past three years have been a lot of introspection, a lot of self-care, and a lot of learning to understand myself.

Many people are surprised to learn I am an introvert. While I am in my game while teaching or speaking to groups of people, it takes me a lot of down time afterwards to recuperate. I much prefer the idea of having coffee with one friend over being at a large party or noisy event. In fact, it took me three years to invite my friends to my house for the first party I threw here – and mind you, these were my close friends from ‘my circle.’

In understand myself and seeing where my energy leaks happen, I created a very intentional environment for myself to function at my best. I don’t do well with disorder. To me a mess or an unorganized pile of papers feels like a hundred ping pong balls are bouncing around inside of me. Background noises like tv make me feel like all those sounds are ricocheting around inside my already busy brain. So, I keep my house organized and I don’t buy many things (unless crystals and perennial flowers count!). I try to plan alone time to follow my social time. For the most part I do pretty well.

I understand that I am not like a large percent of the population. But I didn’t expect there to be such a misinterpretation of me from the man I live with.

To make a long story short, he had family visiting last week. We were out exploring Minneapolis for 5 days. After day 3 I felt myself in desperate need of retreating but pushed on. I am sharing this with you on the eve of more family coming to visit a mere 5 days later.

He asked me why I was so snappy with him and why I was so stressed out. I broke down in tears. Partly out of frustration that he didn’t “know” why I was stressed and crabby and partly in surrender to the fact that I failed myself by trying to be strong through the stress of loosing my ‘sanctuary’ and sharing my space with people I do not know for another 10 days.

When I shared all of this with him, he told me he had no idea. He “read me” wrong 7 months ago when I threw a small party. He read me wrong when we occasionally met a friend for dinner or a beer. What he didn’t read was me going to bed at 8:00 for the following three nights after those events. Or the migraine I came down with after the party. Or going to take pictures in the woods alone after we go anywhere that involves crowds and lots of people. Mostly I was agitated and extremely sensitive to noises and the things in my environment. Turns out that he and I aren’t so different after all. Being around my friends has a similar effect on him and a need to decompress afterwards.

When I shared myself authentically, he showed up and not only accepted me for who I am, he supported me. He called his relatives and let them know we would be doing a lot of relaxing and home cooking. He even let them know that this was a sanctuary to us. By being authentically and letting ourselves be truly seen we have made a deeper connection. And I feel a whole lot less anxiety about our upcoming visitors 🙂

Where can you be authentic in your life? What is it that prevents you from being authentic? Please share in the comments below

Authenticity is the name of the game. Be unapologetically you.
xoxoxo
Amy Joy

Are you ready to take the next step to Joy? I want to help you be authentic in your life and find more ease. Check out my Life Coaching Page and when you are ready to find more ease n your life, send me your application and we will set up a time to chat about your goals and dreams.

Are You Putting Limits on Your Joy?

June 29, 2015 by Amy Joy Leave a Comment

I have been experiencing some upper limits recently. Yes, *|FNAME|* coaches, teachers, and yogis have growing pains just like everyone. We teach what we know best. I have been absent from my blog and newsletters since April. I have been complacent, resting in a comfort zone and not stretching my limits. Why you ask? I couldn’t have told you until I read a new book this past weekend.

Like many things in life, the message comes to us when we are ready. In the book, “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks, the author talks about the subconscious Upper Limits we have on our happiness. He says most of us have a belief that when we find success, financial abundance, love that we will feel content and satisfied with our lives. In reality, what happens when we find ourselves in the midst of good things happening to us, they are followed by misfortune and negative thoughts that result in canceling out the good that has happened.

I can relate to his statements big time. I had a conversation with a coach when my mom became critically ill for the second time in two years. I said, “Every time I get momentum and inspiration in my business, something needs my attention.” A family member becomes seriously ill, a water pipe froze and flooded my basement, and ice dams created leaking water in my house. This spring, I went to the East Coast to do a couple of presentations. I had worked with a coach on how to create a great presentation and put so much energy and love into creating the talk. I was so excited to take my message on the road. I lost my voice and ended up canceling my second presentation.

Have you ever experienced any of the following?

Started a workout program and given up when you started to see results?
Been in a healthy relationship but found yourself beginning to pick fights with your significant other?
Got a promotion or an award at work and found yourself sick after the recognition?
Lost a significant amount of weight and put it back on?
Your business starts to make a lot of money and your furnace breaks down?

Recently I went from being in a long distance relationship to moving in together. I haven’t been blogging or sending out newsletters. Moving forward in my business has felt overwhelming and paralyzing. While reading this book, I can see so many of my client’s stories and their faces of longing when they talk about what it is they want in their life.

My Upper Limit Belief was that I can’t have love and success in my business. And my answer to that story is, “Watch me!”

We subconsciously believe that we only deserve a certain level of goodness in our lives. When this level is challenged, our sneaky subconscious will throw monkey wrenches into our reality to keep us in our comfort zone.

Post in the comments below: How are you getting in your own way of living your joy-filled life?

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